The Power of Perception

As a marketer, I am well aware of the importance of perception. It’s what I do for a living. I create a perception of a brand, or a business, that is projected to the outside world regardless of what the inside might look like.

Whether we like it or not, perception is powerful. For the person holding the perception, it becomes their reality. Perception is closely related to assumption….and this close cousin of perception, if left to its own devices and not kept in check, can become quite a nuisance.

I have had some very interesting experiences with perception. I know some people would possibly have a perception of me that is not very accurate and fortunately the same people would be reluctant to share their perceptions with me. Probably for the best, I would say.

But even though I believe I know myself very well, sometimes I am given an insight into just how I am perceived from the outside. This has actually happened to me a lot more lately. The interesting thing is how the perception of others can differ from the person I know I am.

A very good example of someone’s perception was brought to my attention when my kids were very young. When my eldest child was at kinder, we would enter the room to drop him off and I would have another child planted on my hip and the other usually hanging off my leg, because she was so shy. I must have looked very calm despite all of the stress I was under (that’s what having three kids in three and a half years does to you!). I was told by this one person in particular that I was a wonderful mother; always so calm and pleasant and smiling. Well, I must have had fewer grey hairs back then because I don’t ever remember a time when I wasn’t stressed or telling off my kids.

In the following year, the same person heard me saying, over a coffee, how annoyed I was with the kids. Her comment to me was “I don’t believe you. I look at you as the example of the perfect mother and I wish I was more like you”. Well, that made me nearly spit my coffee out all over the table.

Whilst it is wonderful to be described as a good mother, it just goes to show how people really do judge a book by its cover. They make up their minds about you based on what they see from their perspective and it’s not until you show your vulnerability that their assumptions can be tested.

Like most women I wear many hats; I am a full-time worker and mum (and everything that comes with it). I am also very well known for taking on projects and jobs which are voluntary. It seems that the busier I am, the more I find myself doing.

I have been told many times that I look like I have it all together… but little do people know how hard I have to work to live up to my own expectations, let alone everyone else’s. On some days, I feel like I am barely holding my life together with one elastic band, and not a very strong one at that!

I am constantly baffled by this phenomenon. How can someone like me, who is pretty much an open book, who finds it very difficult to lie or fabricate anything, and who is a terrible actress, could have an exterior which creates this kind of perception?

A concept that is extremely important to me is ‘authenticity’. So, if I am being my authentic self, what is it that I am projecting to the outside world? I wonder…

Just last week I was asked to mentor a fellow board member. It’s nice to know that I was considered for the role… but I must admit, I did briefly find myself having a little self-doubt. Why me? Can I really do this well?

So, I met with my colleague. Initially I sensed she was a little nervous. I knew that in order to put her at ease and build a rapport with her, I had to reassure her that what she was feeling in terms of her insecurities was natural, and no different to most people. I gave her an example of how I feel in one of my other voluntary roles. I shared with her how I often feel that I am unable to add any value. I feel far less qualified and intelligent than my counterparts and I sit there at times wondering what in fact I am doing there. And to make matters worse, this is a board committee at my daughters’ school!

This revelation seemed to surprise her. “No way” she said. “I can’t imagine that a person like you would feel like that”. “A person like me?” I asked.  “Why, what kind of person am I?”. “Well, you just exude confidence, so I am very surprised” she replied.

I’d like to say that I was surprised by her reaction but really I wasn’t, because this is what I am often told.

So, whilst I was just being honest (ask me anything and I will either answer honestly or decline to comment), the fact that I was showing her my own vulnerabilities made her feel more comfortable. Right before my eyes, I watched her body language change, her face relax and begin to smile. We were now on the same level; we could continue the conversation.

So the moral of the story is that you just can’t assume something based on a person’s exterior. People who know me well do not require an explanation of who I am; they just know and accept who I am. Others make an assumption based on their perceptions. Often their perceptions say more about themselves than they do of me.

In a world powered by social media, hash tags, filters and God know what else, it is even more important to be careful about assumptions. Nobody knows what the next person is going through. You can’t assume that a moment caught in time and posted on social media is a true and accurate account of someone’s life. No-one knows what happened in the frames before and after that shot or how many takes it took to get the perfect shot. ....And we all know what kind of problems this is causing, especially with our young ones.

So whilst the insights I have been given have been mostly lovely and complimentary, it says a few different things to me. I have been somehow blessed with a cool, calm and perhaps tough exterior. I think I can thank my father’s gene pool for that and…. maybe, just maybe, I could try my hand at some acting after all.

All jokes aside…. we are all human. We all have our good and bad days. A positive outlook helps in my opinion, and this energy rubs off on the people around us. Let’s be kind and compassionate towards others and despite what you see on the exterior, look beyond that and into one's soul... because that’s where you will see the real picture.